testing...

what is up with blogger?!!

my head is going to explode from information overload.

in about an hour, i'll be taking my psych exam. i have been studying for almost 24 hours and right now, i desperately and so deservingly need my LRU break(thank god for typer shark and bejeweled!!). pyschiatry is fun but reading it over and over again is not.

what i've learned from psych so far...

my favorite disorders are the sexual dysfunction ones. i didn't miss one word on that chapter. it was just so funny. most of the complainants of sexual dysfunction are men. figures. if you look at the available treatments for men, 85% are erection enhancements. funny how there are only a few therapies for desire disorder in men. i guess it shows that men are so normally perverted that they don't need treatment for desire. plus, with all the erection therapies, sexual dysfunction for them is like a medical emergency. it's weird but funny in a way. what with all the male prostheses i have read... plus the vacuum thing. i'll try to look for pictures on the net and post them here so you could laugh at it too.

i'm happy today.

i just realized that my study habits are improving. it's better than last years' work. i think the lack of time pressure is a big factor to this new aura i have. plus, psych is really interesting for me. i hope this continues even after psych.

...the psych quiz was hard but still, i'm happy for studying because i wanted to study. i think that's what being a student is for. not just for academic achievements(and no, i am not sour graping because i studied hard for the quiz ;) )

i watched an advanced screening of T3 for free last night, thanks to the wonderful privileges of the GenText card. although my card was expired(and downright embarrasing because it was the old, shiny version while the others had the new thumbmark one), i was able to get in because of their new text registration process. the movie was... pretty good actually. it wasn't really a happy ending but somehow, things were just put into place.

but albeit, it was free. even if i had to spend P93 for a ride home in a taxi(because there were no 10:30 pm buses). i did have fun, though, watching it with aries. next month, we're planning to watch finding nemo. and again, for free. thanks to Gentext ;)

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i've read ria's blog and i've seen the movie too. i don't like being bruce though :p

sometimes i wish i could keep my mouth shut...

...but in a way, i think it's good that people know how i feel about things.

after a week, i don't feel sad about the mixer anymore. i think i just forgot about it. i found out that if i don't think too much about it, it goes away. so that's what i do. not think about it. i'm sorry if i had offended some of you. i was just so angry at that moment. i should've stopped myself before saying anything foolish. again, i'm sorry mommy.

enough about that. this is the last time i'll write about that damn mixer. i promise.

******

i'm missing my highschool friends now. i'm really happy that even after college, we still are the best of friends. we still find things to talk about and, lo and behold, even things to fight about. i wish i could see them more often. i'm really lucky to find three true friends in one barkada. all three of them i love so much and in not one of them do i find anything irritating. i figured, that everytime that i feel so down, i should think about these three people who would never think less of me when i do so with myself. i owe a lot to them. for making me the person i am today... and albeit, this is not another famas award speech okay? ;)

*****

another thing on my mind... i just love psychiatry! i love it more than pulmo now. maybe, if i can, i could try to specialize in neuro-psych. i know i might not have the brains to achieve this but, what the heck, there's nothing wrong in trying to be one. i always did say that my cousin, ate bakke(who's a 1st year resident in psychiatry at wayne state hospital in michigan), was one of my role models. however, if i end up failing my exams this friday, then i guess i'm not really fit to be a psychiatrist. so i better start studying now...

i just talked to elgin on the phone.

despite the whinings about my life, i realized that there are still a lot of things that i should be happy about... like elgin for example. i forget, sometimes, that i miss him so much. he's such a great friend and i don't think he realizes that about himself. it's really amazing how he turns up just when i need someone the most. just like the knight in shining armor i dreamed him to be back then when i still thought of him as a crush. whatever form i do wish him to be, i'm just so glad that he's in my life. especially right now, right in this moment.

we talked about a lot of things. but i was worried with what he said about the "eya phenomenon". he has the same point of views as with lisa, kookie, joanna, aris, ria, marie and jaymie. i know it doesn't sound that alarming(as it seems that i'm the only one who didn't see their point) but for me, it was a bit of a shock. in a way, i feel betrayed because they didn't tell me this sooner. all along i always thought i was the bad guy. it turns out, it was vice versa. but all of this is over. i'm really glad it is. the issue only rises up when somebody asks about it and it's going to be like that. that chapter of my life is over.

i realized, too, that i've been so whiny when there really is no reason to be. i thought up of a way to humble myself whenever i feel like complaining. i figured that i'd just say, "it beats being in cambodia" whenever i feel whiny again. i saw this article about the khmer rouge and i realized that i have been such a selfish, ignorant, spoiled brat. i have so many things to be happy about. complaining about things like the sorority wasn't just worth the seconds of my life.

now, i wish this reformed me would last... even for just a month. so let's just find out until i post again. wish me luck.

i know that what i will post right now will be really inappropriate, but it's a risk i'm willing to take just so long as i can get this out of my chest... and it's better than blurting it out to the person/s involved.

it's still about the mixer thing. i still keep thinking about it. seriously, there might be something psychiatrically wrong with me now. this thing just keeps inserting itself into my consciousness(whoaa... thought insertion). i think it's one of the major reasons why i've been so unhappy these past few days...

...and why i want to stay as far away from the sor as possible. surprised? i know that everyone thinks that, normally, i'm loyal to the sor as loyalty can get but due to the past events, i feel like running away from it.. even permanently. that's how serious it is. the reasons behind this? i know that this may sound whiny, but like i said, i just have to let this all out. for the past few months, i have devoted my time and effort to the sor. sometimes, at some of my closest friends expense. i know it's part of the responsibility of an officer but really now, it seems like i've been doing this responsibility more often than others. i must admit though... this is plainly nothing but immaturity. but this is not the sole reason of my resentment. it's just a part of it(i think my patience has improved with the help of eya).

what i can't understand is.. after being so loyal and dedicated, why did my one mistake(which up until now, i don't think it was such a big deal) affected them so much that made me feel that it was so wrong? that i was just so stupid and back to being an idiot neophyte. haven't they considered what i've done in the past? doesn't that count? is it suppose to count? i'm really confused. i know i shouldn't be dwelling on it so much but it really has affected me. ever since the "eya phenomenon"(i've decided to call it likewise), i've been so paranoid into thinking that there might be other persons in my life like her and i'm starting to correlate it with the sor. it's wrong, i know, but i just can't help thinking this way. it's even getting worse and i can tell because i try to keep pushing these thoughts away. now i know why being alone can make you psycho. maybe it's really not good to think too much. maybe i'm becoming paranoid... psychotic... manic... whatever it is, i just don't like feeling this way... wishing to run away from my life, from the people i call my friends.

maybe it's just today. i hope it is. however, i still don't want to talk to them. i'm a bit mad at them in a way. they've added reasons why my life sucks right now. but before i'm going to whine and moan about my life i better...

...stop.